Seto vs His Hormones
by kookey
Summary: An epic clash between Seto and his hormones as he strives to survive with Anzu on a honeymoon resort, love and hate in every inch of the air! All thanks to our feeble minded Joey and his science project. [SetoAnzu][Chapter 13: Four Legged Kaiba]
1. Thank You Joey!

**A/n:** Yes I'm alive and well! *laughs evilly* MWAHAHAHAAA! And now it's my time to take over the world and **Yu-gi-oh** which** I **clearly** DON'T own.** Mwahahahaaa!

Anyways, *coughs* (world domination, Malik fantasizing, and other deeds will be done later), this is my first Yu-gi-oh fic. So please go easy on me. REVIEW, ALL YOU FANTASTIC PEOPLE!!!

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Seto vs. His Hormones  
Chapter One

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Twitch.

"That bastard..."

Seto Kaiba, multi-billionaire, owner of Kaiba Corp, dueling extraordinaire, tried to prevent every muscle in his body from attacking the nearest thing to him and totally ripping it into shreds. 

Sure, the mutt had played tricks on him before (there was the time where Joey used the classical whoopee-cushion trick, which was quietly taken care of after Seto had managed to persuade Shizuka into giving him access into Joey's room, and then show casing the wide amounts of heart decorated boxers he had), but nearly in all his life, this was by far the worst!

_And I'm stuck with HER..._

Her, as in the friendship cheerleader. Her, as in the Pharaoh's girl. Her, as in the girl who couldn't keep her damn mouth shut for once. 

Anzu Mazaki. 

Cringe. 

"Wait until I get home...I'm gonna ring his freakin neck so badly..." 

Seto could just imagine his well strong hands tightly squeezing the air supply from a feeble Joey, acking and yelling for mercy as Yami bowed down his feet, Anzu brought him a plate of cookies, Honda cut his hair, and Ryou cleaned his well big already-humongous-and-soon-to-be-bigger house. He laughed evilly to himself.

He grinned inwardly.

Evil. Yes. Done that, been there. 

He remembered the number of plot less schemes he had created during what was called free time. One time, though, Mokuba had accidentally barged into one of his scheming times, catching a glimpse of small, not well drawn and quoted "Yugi and pathetic gang". Then, just atop of them, was a giant foot. Yes giant foot, and which seemed to belong to the all and powerful Seto Kaiba. Nothing was much gained though, as it resulted to late night calls and not so pleasant 'gifts'. 

He sighed; his own BROTHER, flesh and blood, had deceived him. Traitor. 

Seto looked at the grayish teal and white tiled floors, trailing along to a pair girl's feet, then up her back, and to the counter, where she was apparently arguing with slightly scared front counterman, who almost lost the color of his face. 

_Well, she was good at scaring people. _He had to give her that much. _But her people skills..._

Tisk.

Seto sat back up straight as Anzu stomped angrily towards the seating room where he was apparently forced to stay. ("You stay, Kaiba, and if I find you even one step towards the exit, I'll expose everyone to your brother making you wear that bunny suit, YOU HEAR ME?!")

She dropped herself in front of him and next to where her bags neatly sat, let out a long sigh of defeat.

Seto opened his mouth to say something only to be cut off by her hand. "Shut up." 

He snorted in return.

_How rude..._

After awhile of mumbling things to herself (_How sad._), she turned to Seto. 

"Look, you. You're filthy and rich. Go use your money or something to get us out of here." She said glaring at him and continuing to wave the hand in the air to emphasize her point. 

He glared. 

Was HE supposed to use HIS money on HER? _I think not._

Grunt. 

Anzu bent forward slightly, with the mad expression, and waved a hand in the air, the paper in her grasp waived chantilly at him. His eyes looked at the brochure she held saying "Welcome to Ile D'amour", the tickets with their names printed on, a map, and what looked like a letter.

"It's seems like," she then started, while opening the white envelope and taking out a letter. "dear old Joey has set us up for a 'non-refundable, non-exit-able, in other words: 'Ya ain't getting out!', trip to Ile D'amour, a paradise honeymoon island." she said and was about to finish, if only to have Seto gruffly snatched the letter out of her hands. She glared.

He decided to ignore her from there on, as she continued to yap away who knows God's what. 

_Damn bitch...talks too much..._

Clearly not truly listening to her as she continued to talk aimlessly, Seto skimmed the letter written in bad hand writing (_Firgures..._) through roughly, while things like "Ha-ha!" "Suckers!" "Science project." "Lucky of you." And "Have fun- Joey." caught his sharp eyes. 

"And, how may I ask, did the he seem to come up with all this?" he asked, a little more than surprised that Joey had pulled all of this through. Well then again, you had to admit, this was JOEY they were talking about...feeble minded, Boston accented, and well...dumb.

"The guy on the counter," she sent a small glare towards the young man in his twenties, who continued to look pale. "said he has a family member here. Um, his second cousin twice removed from father's side's uncle's son's wife's sister's husband's father's divorced wife's half son." She nodded. 

Sigh.

Seto picked himself up from the chair, fixed his collar and walked in the direction opposite of the exit — towards the counter, towards the counterman who had apparently regained his posture from before. 

He grinned to himself, cracking his knuckles, recalling his "three B's of success":

Big Posture; _scaring the hell out of whom ever it is. Look big, look powerful._

Big Words; _confuse the stupid mind with big and confusing words._

And last but not least, Big Voice; _sound good, sound strong. Scare the brat out of his shoes. _

It always worked on business people, and it was sure enough to work on someone as much as a counterman. Seto walked up to the counter and slightly leaned over, with a sly look on his face. One of those looks that made girls go crazy, but with a touch of the "hey-look-I'm-better-then-you!" expression. 

The man looked up slightly from typing on his computer, then continued to type whatever it was. 

"I'm sorry sir, but there is absolutely no way you can get out of here." The counterman started. 

Grin.

"You do know who I am, surely..." Kaibi said slyly leaning over the counter.

The guy gulped. "Y-yes sir," he answered meekly and tried to hide himself, continuing to type. 

"And you obviously know that I can hack into any computer? Not to mention the fact that I run a multi-million dollar corporation and have houses built in many different areas of the world?" Seto looked at his fingers aimlessly, and then with a smirk, "and that I can kick your ass in a second?"

"Y-yes sir...b-but..." 

"but...?"

Glare. One heck of a glare.

"I have your signature on a form enabling you from any exit off this island." He took out a paper, and clearly just like he said, by the 'X', was the Seto Kaiba's signature, written with a swoosh and a flip, the 'S' in Seto big and flappy like he always made it.

He blinked and looked on.

_Hell no..._

It was in all means, IMPOSSIBLE. The gods must have been playing with him, for after the long moment of just staring at the piece of cut down wood (finally realizing that Joey must of forced Mokuba to sign for him), he grabbed the counterman's collar.

"..."

A moment of silence. 

"You do know I'll kill you for this." 

"Yes sir."

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**A/n:** Walla! Beginning is finished! Congrats to all who made it this far! *throws streamers in the air* I may continue this, if enough people want me to that is. So review and tell me what you think! 


	2. Coffee and Seto

**A/n:** Err, wow... an update! Who would have thought...

**Disclaimer:** I eat pigs for decorations. My mother has webbed feet that sing in the morning *kawaka-doodle-do*. (Translation: Yu-gi-oh isn't mine. But I damn wish Malik was *sob*.) 

**Warnings:** Slight Seto OOC-ness. Some light profanity. Seto going mentally insane. And burning of innocent objects. All brought to you by the color pink.

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Seto vs. his hormones

Chapter Two

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            As you would have known, our two lovely main characters were stuck together in a honeymoon resort. And I can't stress ENOUGH that it was a ideal vacationing island for couples. So as usual, when Seto and Anzu entered their room, everything they found was somehow related to love. 

            Two seated couches, two chaired tables, one widescreen television with useless romance movies (that, Anzu admitted, all watched), one bathroom with full accessorized and categorized towels, soaps, and toothpastes, (all, as you could have guessed it, in twos), one mini kitchen with cabinets full of champagne, candles, and other small romantic foods, a flourished bedroom with one extra large king sized couple bed made for two (specially decorated with hearts, laces, and silk), and a large patio with a dazzling view of the savanna below, covered in a variety of coconut trees, flowers, a long stretch beach, and numerous amounts of couples holding hands. 

            And all the while, Seto could only find one action to describe his lush surroundings—by remembering to put a horrible death curse on Joey so he forever had green goop splutter out of his ears and nose. It was a disgusting thought, but satisfying enough to relax him and help him temporarily ignore the happiness in the room. He just simply sat himself down and began setting up his laptop. _Work is __nev__er to be excused, even under the worst circumstances._

            Anzu had already taken a home feel to the room, as she unpacked her bags, flashing out a bright crimson bikini that caught Seto's eyes. He forcefully evaded his sight away from the horrifying piece, and continued to type but with greater force. _Damn the woman..._

            "Just because Joey decided to glue us here together, doesn't mean that I'm not going to have fun." She brazenly added, as her figure made way towards the marble bathroom. He watched her from the edge of his vision, before nearly ripping his eyeballs out. Taking deep breath in, he rubbed his temples and got back to his report. 

_...and so I come to conclude, females are barbaric beings with only one purpose in this pitiful world, where it is to seduce the weak hearts of men. And so this beast—_

            At this exact moment, Anzu strolled out, tightly wrapped in the delicious detail of her two strap swimsuit. Without as much as a notice of him, she grabbed a towel, some sunscreen, and exited the site. In addition to his brain suffering from a temporary melt down, the word 'beast' accidentally turned to 'breast'. He gawked at his incorrectness and quickly tried to reach for the backspace on his keyboard, but his fingers were numb, and were unable to. So he did the only thing he thought of. And that was throwing the laptop onto the ground and stomping on it vigorously. 

            _What the HELL is happening to ME?!_

            Seto had come to realize that he the odd butterfly in the stomach feeling that he was currently diseased in was a normal hormone reaction, something all young males were cursed with. _Stupid teenage growth crap..._  

            He took a deep breath in and sulked on to the couch, straightening when he remembered that Seto Kaiba did NOT mope, no matter what the conditions were. He decided it was best to identify the problem, see who was involved with the problem, and how to solve the problem.

            Problem? _Anzu__._

            Involvement? _Anzu__._

            Solution? _Kill Anzu._

            As satisfying as the thought was, he knew if Yami found out, the pharaoh would surely go karate chop on his ass. Not that it was humanly possible, but with that freaky eye tattoo on his forehead, hell, anything was possible. _Cheater..._

            Now with no computer and any means of connection with the internet, Seto began to pace back and forth throughout the room. If he did leave, he knew he would SOMEHOW reach to the beach where Anzu had apparently gone. And with that, he would SOMEHOW began feeling like cutting open a person stomach and letting the intestines fall out because he spotted her in her attra—UNattractive stature. And she would SOMEHOW notice, where at lastly, this whole event would turn into a never ending blackmail. 

            So pretty much, Seto was stuck in the damn room for until she returned. And even then, in her bathing suit. 

            _I'm going to make Wheeler wish he never was born. _

            Two hours later, Anzu unlocked the door with the card key and strode inside normally, only coming to a startle halt when she spotted the boiling coffee mug in the kitchen and six empty mugs dead all over. Not only that, but when she finally found Seto in front of the television on the couch constantly flicking the channels, three other mugs followed. 

            "You drank ALL this?!" she asked in disbelief. 

            Without wavering in his movements, he replied in a monotone accent, "Yeah. So?" 

            "And you're not the tinniest bit hyper?"

            "Do I look hyper to you?" His head turned in her direction, eyes narrow and dull. They stared right at Anzu and her two piece swimsuit, skin brimming with light and water rolling down the rim of her shape. For some odd reason, not an effect took place. _Interesting... _

            "Not that you ever smile either..."

            He smiled crookedly and retorted back, "Alright then." Only to frown again and continue his hundredth flick of channels, sarcasm hanging heavily in the thick air. She shrugged her shoulders and slipped into the bathroom. 

            Seto pleasantly sipped his coffee. _The coffee and I are going to get along JUST fine. _

            Like the sunlight itself knocking on the brim of his eyelids, Seto forcefully opened them to another day with jitter joy. Carrying a headache with the weight of Mount Everest, he groaned when he felt the soreness throughout his body increase. He felt as if he slept on a very small couch doused in coffee. With a quick scan over himself, he noticed that he HAD fallen asleep on the sofa, tangled in mixes of cold beverages and his coat. _And here I hoped it all to be a terrible nightmare. Damnit. Once again, deceived by my own __wis__hes._

He laughed mentally at himself pitifully, as in spite of freeing himself, he toppled off rolling onto the floor and over multiple cups. Laying there for a few minutes he pondered over the events that had taken place over the last 24 hours. 

            Tricked and deceived into believing that he had an important meeting to go to, he was shipped onto an unknown charter plain then dropped off like a second hand rag onto an island he never cared to hear of. Where as that should have been bad, what was worse was the fact that he now had four weeks of constant pleasure with the person he second hated most (Joey being first). 

            Now at the point where he was about to yell on the top of his lungs, Seto took a deep psychological breath in and decided it was best to wash his frustration down the drainer and into the ocean. _A long shower is in need. _

            Without the slightest care of his roommate and her whereabouts, the only thing that occupied his mind was that the bathroom was free of usage—a false accusation indeed. As he began unbuttoning his top, he opened the bathroom door, only to have himself slapped senselessly out of his senses and into a stage of delusion when he faced Anzu's shadowed bare outline through the shower curtains. 

            When he finally was brought back down to the ground, he slowly closed the door before she ever noticed. With the muscles of his jaw packed tight, he calmly made way to the kitchen and sat himself down. 

            _I... can wait..._

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**A/n:** Woo! Sorry for the lack of update. Ya know, with school and all, time is what I am a deficient of the most. 

I just can't help torture poor Seto. It's just too fun to resist! XD. And yet, at the same time, I can't help feel sorry for him. If you thought this chapter was agonizing wait until you see the following!  

You guys are really supportive; glad to know someone out there likes my work! Please review and make me happy! I'll give you a Seto plushie if you do! X3 


	3. Revenge

**A/n: **Mucho thanks for reading! I would have thundered you all with gifts galore...if I only had the moneh. 

**Disclaimer: **If at first you don't succeed (in trying to steal Malik), try, try again (by kidnapping him, storing him in a jar, and stuffing him in the back of your closet. Hey if that doesn't work, you could always zap the true owner into oblivion. What? No, of course that's not a flamethrower behind my back! It's a chainsaw.). 

**Warnings:** Seto and his deliciousness. Someone should REALLY make him illegal. 

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Seto vs. His Hormones

Chapter Three

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_Dear Joey,_

_            Oh how I would love to see your face one more time...SO I CAN SMACK IT HARD. What the hell were you THINKING putting me and Seto together?! You good as hell know we hate each other. I'd just adore giving you a taste as to what a damn time you've been situating me through. And heck, it's just the first day! _

_            He mutters a lot, I've got to say. And drinks a lot of coffee. Is that healthy? _

_            And I just found his laptop...or at least the remains of it, laying on the floor right next to the television. He fell asleep there last night. And he still is. He doesn't snore the least bit. *scratched out: And is looking quite...cute at the moment*_

_            I know about Ms. Masaki's science project—connecting two opposite substances together. But I'm guessing this is taking it too far! What are you're motives, Wheeler? Because if I find out, YOU will meet the greeting of my knee in a place where the sun doesn't shine. You understand?!_

_            I'm going to go take a long shower now. Don't think this is the end of my complaining, as I will make sure to give you my end of the bargain. You be sure of it. _

_Ready to hunt you down,_

_Anzu___

            Seto was thoroughly a disaster up to his part. Not only was the headache still pounding on his forehead, but the sound of the shower turning off reached his ears. She was bound to come out in a tightly wrapped towel that reached her mid-thighs. Skin that glistened in the seven o'clock sunlight and the strong scent of lilacs that hugged the air around him accompanied with the silky chocolate strands that stuck to her face. Anzu wasn't even out yet, and already his skin began boiling. _Where's the damn coffee when you need it?! _

            Her soft steps suddenly came to halt, "Seto, the bathroom—" And then a pause followed shortly with a gasp. Intrigued, he looked up and noticed her hunched shoulders, the tensed grip on her towel, and the light dab of blush over her pearl cheeks. A small grin plastered his own face when he looked down. _Oh look, no shirt. _Apparently, it was in a heap near the oven. 

            In other words, his complete top half was visible. Built chest and all. 

            It was time to pay her back using her own games. Gears began churning in his head. Revenge was soon to be accomplished. 

            He smugly got to his feet, making sure to shift so his lean muscularity was in full tack. Slowly making his was towards the frozen girl, his eyes dangerously narrowed. Seto's rough fingers brushed at her cheek before sliding down her neck, lingering playfully at the rim of her towel while his other hand occupied itself with tangling itself with her hair. His face neared her own, noses nearly touching, hot breath hitting her already warm cheeks. 

            "You were saying?" The voice was thick and husky. Nearly a whisper, but so heavy that Seto witnessed the fall of her jaw. She was utterly speechless and that pleased him to no end. He took a step closer, now determined to teach her never to underestimate the power of this Kaiba. 

            That was when everything went wrong. Everything backfired. Her pulse changed. A glint showered her eyes. She arched forwards. Lips met in a clash, and Seto Kaiba was now kissing Anzu Mazaki. 

            Seto's insides were beginning to fall apart. And while a part of him began to burn, urging to flavor her soft lips, the equally loud counter side nagged to pull away. When in fact all he was supposed to do was get revenge for her acts, it all came crashing down to something he was going to never admit. 

_            Shit...this was never supposed to happen! _

When the lack of air began to become a problem, she was the first to pull back. 

            He unconsciously licked his lips, eyes opening gradually to welcome her smirking expression. 

            She...was laughing at him!

            "As I was saying, the bathroom is free now." She happily noted before slipping out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, leaving the grim Kaiba to his own thoughts. He had been tricked once again, used by his weakness and then made fun of. Not only did he feel vulnerable, but feeble and dumb as well. He pouted when he realized that his own revenge was used against him. 

            Seto Kaiba, a once proud sixteen year old, felt VERY childish.  

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**A/n:** *insert evil laugh here* 

I was originally going to leave it at just the kiss, but since you guys were SO nice, I decided to add a whim to it all. All in all I hope it wasn't all too bad. X3

On a side note, if my formatting looks out of place in some parts of the chapter, I swear that it's not me! FF.net is screwing up my uploads. Anyone else besides me having problems?

Review, ne, please? *pouters*

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**Phalken****:** Actually, I don't plan to surpass my 1000 word per chapter limit. Reasons being that one, I'm lazy. And two, I'll be able to update faster...unless, that is, you guys wouldn't mind me taking more than two weeks to jip up a chapter. *huffs* Thought so. 

**Midnightkattt****:** There are other people on the island. How else am I supposed to make poor Seto suffer? XD

**Malik**** fan 03: **Anzu is affected by Seto's own charms as well. I mean, in all truth, who wouldn't? He's just too damn hot sometimes. And Seto? Heck, he's already beginning to fall apart. Poor guy *pinches his cheeks* 

**Alantis2: **Ah, thank you for the offer! I'd love to have you as a beta-reader! I rarely ever proof read my own work. I'll email you starting the fourth chapter. And thank you for your comments! 


	4. Aspirin

**A/n:** Firstly, I'm SO sorry for the late update *stabs school with a pitch fork*. 

Secondly, I will, from this day forward, center my attention to this fiction as it is my more successful of the two I'm currently working on. Yes! That means faster updates! Expect new chapter up NO later then two weeks! 

Thirdly, *glomps* you guys are AMAZING. I love you all! Thank you much for the reviews! Keep them coming, baby!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine, but hell *kidnaps Malik and hops away*

**Warnings: **Seto's VERY twisted Spanish *slaps him senseless* and the ending of this chapter. Be warned.  

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**Seto vs. His Hormones**

Chapter Four

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There was a part of him that was glad Anzu had decided to go on her ventures around the island alone and WITHOUT him. No listening to her constant whining or yelling. Life was good like that. 

And then, of course, there was the OTHER part of him that wanted to actually set a foot outside of this room with her right in front (or behind; didn't matter either way) of him, maybe with reasons more than just lacking any good company around. Life was bad like that. 

There were times where he just wanted to squeeze the life out of his desire for Anzu's unworthy company. 

But at that moment, he was too busy watching a Spanish soup opera currently on the television to care. Not that 'watching' was a very good word, as he didn't bother trying to translate the words coming out of the very bad actors' mouth. That and his Spanish wasn't very good. Something like "my heart is forever in your hands" may come out to be "lick my cow please, as it needs cultivating" to him.  

He winced when Maria slapped Cassandra on the face, and then proceeded pulling out the strands of her hair. _Ouch. _

It wasn't everyday Seto watched two females brew in a senseless fight with sharp nails and high pitched screaming. But he had to admit, it WAS on the amusing side. 

Just when Cassandra pulled out a can of hair spray, Anzu's body decided to appear in front of him blocking from seeing what happened. 

His eyes slowly ran from her torso (and thank GOD he had his share of the coffee this morning because that sleeveless shirt would have looked delicious on her otherwise) and rested on her angry twitching face. 

He arched a spectacle brow at her, before tilting his head to look around the obstacle. 

But she, being the stubborn bitch she was, stepped once again, into his view. 

And the charade game continued, Seto, continuing to tilt his head or move to different spots on the couch, while she continued stepping in his way, fist clenched at her sides, glaring like there was no tomorrow. 

_This is beginning to annoy me. _

"What do you want?" he asked finally in an anything but nice tone of voice.

Anzu leaned in, the neck of her shirt also detaching from her skin a bit. And he couldn't help notice, to his dismay, the very small view of her breast curves. Something panged severely in his chest before locking gaze with the girl again. 

"I want you to get off your sorry little ass and go out with me." 

When in fact he was too busy trying to find a way to look around her, he froze when the words came out of her mouth and stared at her as if she suddenly grew a second head. 

"Excuse me?" 

Her fuming expression quickly dissolved as realization hit her, replacing it with embarrassment. A light blush covered her cheeks as she pulled back straight, waving her hands franticly. "Not like THAT, you idiot!" 

The ends of his lips tucked into a seductive grin, "Uhuh..."

She groaned, smacking her hand against her forehead before glaring back down at him. "You are SUCH an infuriating man."  

He simply shrugged his shoulder, smiling innocently back at her. Of course there was an explanation to the story, no matter how much in reality the idea pleased him. Their hotel room WAS beginning to bore him. 

After letting out an exaggerated sigh she continued, "Look, there are these officials on the island that wont let me go around anywhere without a partner. And I thought MAYBE you could—"

"—pretend to be an adoring lovable fiancée and accompany you so you can shop your fingernails off." He finished for her, plopping a chip dully into his mouth. 

"Yes." She gritted between her clenched teeth. 

"No." came his simple cool reply. She gawked at him before his mouth opened again. "If sitting here doing nothing displeasures you, then I might as well stay here all month." 

And within saying that, his arms neatly folded behind his neck, leaning lazily back into the couch, watching in delight as her face scrunch. 

Anzu huffed, and pointed her nose high in the air defiantly before smirking wickedly. 

"Alright. You leave me with no choice then." And boldly, she stomped behind the television and ripped one of the cords out with such force it rocked. Then, grinning back at Seto, threw it out the open balcony and sent it flying outside toward who knew where. 

_Well there went the TV._

He glared her. "Wench..." 

Giving him a toothy smile, she grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door, ignoring his mutters. 

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They stared at the number of bottles and boxes displayed on the shelf. At first glance it looked like a pharmacy of a sort, and they continued to enter the shop in look for some aspirin. 

Not even a minute into their trip, Seto began to complain that her company gave him a headache (or maybe it was the heat. He was wearing a BLACK trench coat to begin with, and the temperature was in no need for coats). She snorted at him, but without MUCH argument, they entered a miniature store that looked of some service. 

"Ah, what cute lovebirds! Such innocent love!" A voice gushed loudly, startling them both. A plum woman, dressed in pearls and fur, stood behind the counter, fingers intertwined and looking at the two with admiration. 

He grunted disapprovingly, "We are not lov—"

But Anzu jabbed him in the rib with her elbow, cutting him off. Giving a stiff smile she linked arms with him. 

"Oh yeah. That's us. Innocent lovers." She gave a sheepish laugh before glaring icily up at him. He gave a glower right back. 

The lady giggled heartily before continuing, "Oh dears, what kind of safety measure can I get for you?" 

Seto's brows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

She clapped her hands, nodding as if it was common knowledge, "You know—birth pills and condoms. That IS what I sell here, you know." 

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**To Be Continued**

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**A/n:**  *insert evil laugh here* I have SUCH a twisted sense of humor. Do kill me if I ever decide to cover Seto in peanut butter and jelly and stick him in between some bread. Mmm...:3

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**Phalken****:** Actually I can't imagine Seto pout either...but the thought IS adorable, ne?

**KeikoGurl****:** *hides* don't kill me!

**Alantis2:** Seto's kisses are just to DIE for. XD And urm...I waited two weeks almost for you to email me back. Maybe I did send the chapter to the wrong email addres...o___o   


	5. Free Samples!

**A/n: **I know I promised for an update on Friday, but my week came crashing down. Emotional problems and a death in the family can really knock a person off their usual schedule.

On a happy note, I'm TRYING to make chapters longer. All your reviews are so encouraging, I think you guys deserve at least that much. XD

**Disclaimer:** [insert disclaimer here]

**Warnings: **Writing block. Nuff said, folks.

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**Seto vs. His Hormones **

Chapter Five

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It could have been a fly, or his own intake of air. Either way, something clogged his throat the minute the words reached his ears. It took the last bit of self control to keep his mind straight, while breaking into a coughing fit.

Anzu's own face scrunched uncontrollably, her mouth shaped like a small 'O', eyes big as saucers.

There was the obvious blush on both of their faces, but then again, who wouldn't turn red when they found themselves standing in a protection store with the very last person they wanted to be with?

_Great._

__

The plumb woman had seemed to notice their uncomfortable expressions and warmly handed them both two small plastic bags, each with 'free samples' written diligently on the front of them.

_Even better._

__

They both accepted the gifts stiffly, Seto watching in mock amusement when Anzu nearly gasped at realization at what was ACTUALLY in those bags. Of course, HE knew what was in there from the moment he spotted those retched sacks. And the thought of having them in the first place really did no cease in the way his blood suddenly fastened. Or the fact that the three letter word that he tried so hard to keep out of his thoughts, oddly got his adrenalin dancing in his veins.

He was restless, and there was something TERRIBLY wrong with that.

Because he found himself widely staring at a disturbing book that rested lazily on the bookshelves. And on the cover, no less, were two people caught in a VERY twisted position . . . that he didn't really need to go detail into. From an innocent viewpoint, one could say they looked like two gummy bears stuck to each other on a sunny day.

He mentally waved a dismissing hand at the lack of skill he had in describing life figures to inanimate objects. Usually he was good at it, but really, on top of this torture bag in his grasp, everything seemed evolve into twisted events.

Seto finally peeled his eyes off the cover, growing almost angry that he dazed off. Only twice that had happened. One, being that book. Second, disappointingly, Anzu.

.

.

.

"You did that on purpose." She glowered, rubbing her cheeks to rid of the color.

He stood defiantly, all 150 pounds of him at a full 6 feet minimum height. Eyes tingled with anything but humor, "I did no such thing."

"Right," Anzu paused for a snort, "you just HAPPENED to drag me into this RANDOM shop that SOMEHOW sold condoms!"

If it wasn't his sneer, the numerous stares she received from her outburst shut her up. Her mouth thinned before a shaky finger pointed at him, mouth opening and closing in a pattern.

She was speechless.

_Ah, satisfactory never tasted better._

__

So after angrily ransacking her way back to their hotel room (and after he happily followed), they found themselves sitting across from each other. Her fingers drummed over the tabletop, out of sheer boredom he realized. It was 4:00 sharp—too late for lunch, too early for dinner, and certainly, they weren't going to go shopping anytime soon.

There was a sudden knock at the door that even startled Seto enough to show it, which was saying a lot because he wasn't one to show much of emotion, no less surprise. Anzu for the other matter took this as an escape, nearly bolting for the door out of her chair.

It was the evident gasp that he heard afterwards that pecked at some curiosity enough for him to lean against his chair to peak around the curb of the wall that blocked his view. And what he saw was almost as worst and horrifying as the time his grandfather played his the tape of his six year old play of 'James and the Giant Peach' to some of his clients during a meeting.

Not that he was going to get into telling ANYONE that, because . . . that would clearly be saved for another time.

Anzu, batting her long eyelashes bashfully, was looking shyly up at a man whose features were hidden behind the opened door. He almost growled, but controlled himself. If he couldn't see his face, then there was no possible way that this . . . guest was possibly any threat. Because only a coward hid.

It was when she broke into a misfit of giggles, that he realized what in fact she was doing. He let out a loud laugh in result, nearly falling back in mere chuckle. But it died as abruptly as it came, because something else hit him with equal force.

She was trying to make him jealous. And it was working.

.:.:.:.

**A/n: **sob Writing blocks are so cruel. And I'm well aware this isn't ANYTHING in the length I promised. Hell, it's only 988 words in counting! That's the shortest chapter I've EVER written. Gah. Just going through a lot lately. X.x

PLEASE review, even if I'm anything but worthy of your kind words.

.:.:.:.

**Mokuba's**** Official Glomper:** o.o And I thought I was disturbed?

**Maze of Illusions:** Why do I end in cliffhangers? Simply 'cause they be ma homies. XD

**KeikoGurl****:** Ek, you're so violent, Keiko-sama . . .

**Ma-au:** I've been hiding under 'some French toast,' for lack of a better excuse.


	6. Perfect Moment

**A/n: **Feh. My muses decided to take an early vacation.

**Disclaimer:** Nope, I don't own Yu-gi-oh. What? Of course Malik isn't in my closet! What gave you THAT crazy idea? Muffles and groans? Naw, that's just my cat constipating.

**Warning:** Jealousy is a dangerous thing—especially when you combine it with Seto.

.:.:.:.

**Seto vs. His Hormones  
**Chapter Six

.:.:.:.

.

.

.

When he was really young, mostly sitting with Mokuba, Seto often found himself sitting in front of the television, watching a rerun of old shows they were so into. Or watching those kid movies no one bothered to admit on ever seeing, as if talking about something disgraceful. And frequently, during the dull moments, some naive little child would end up saying that he or she saw his or her mom and dad 'fighting in bed'. Back then, the Kaiba brothers would have just surpassed that as what it sounded like—parents LITERALLY fighting in bed. Just a likelihood of a mere conflict, if not. So what was so interesting about that?

Parents quarreled all the time.

And then of course, when he grew up, lacking that very sense of innocence he now saw as a burden more than anything, it finally hit him truly what that statement actually meant. It was like one of those "Less talk, more action" or "Long let lust live" quotes. Mix the two together and what do you get? Exactly.

Okay, that was a nice story and all, but really, what did it have to do with anything?

_Absolutely nothing._

Hell, it was obvious Seto was just stalling time. Pretty pathetically too, since he wasn't one to recall memories. One of his mottos clearly spoke against that.

_To fuck with the past. I'm living, ain't I? _

So what in the entire shit was WRONG with him? Why was he acting so TRULY and UNDOUBTEDLY unlike himself? Where did the aloof and ignorance run OFF to?

_Down the gutter, and out the window, I'd say._

He glared daggers at the invisible enemy behind the door, clenching jaws tightly when Anzu, his roommate and the center of all his emotional instability, giggled wildly.

Seto decided he was going to dance with the threads of improvisation right then and there.

.

.

.

Anzu, being too busy to look as adorable as possible, failed to notice the heavy footsteps of the predator from behind—doused in deep pine minted cologne, hair slicked back in a manner that it was messy but attractive at the exact same time—until it was too late and a hand slithered and intertwined with hers that rested on the doorknob, the other hand tingling mischievously at her hip. Her back came in abrupt contact with his chest which she could no doubt feel through his flimsy unbuttoned shirt.

His thumb ran in circles over her palm, and he pleasurably noted how soft her skin was.

_Pleasure—such a horrible, HORRIBLE word._

Eyes passing over her forest chocolate hair he dejectedly deemed to run fingers through one day, they set on the man who challenged his authority at the door, almost comically falling over when he realized WHO it was.

"Well, well, WELL..." started the CEO, smug satisfaction evident on his features, "if it isn't the counterman from down below."

The young man from their earlier experience stood still with wide eyes and hanging jaw was the exact replica of a model of one of his future buildings—thin and pale. Perfectly neat honey hair, and way too large blue eyes. And the cheesy white and blue uniform did no help either—ruffled near the bottom where two flaps lay dead against his legs.

Seriously, what had he been THINKING? THIS was the man that mortally wounded his ego and became his sworn enemy? Damn, he almost felt disappointed.

A jab in his ribs caused him revering back to reality.

"He has a NAME, you know?" Anzu grinded angrily, a plague of interest taking a joyride in his veins when he realized she did not free herself against his hold. Or even at the least, make an attempt to. However, when she shot a bright smile towards the third wheel of the threesome, it all reasoned him to only tighten his grip around her.

"Oh?" Brows arched in fake amusement, he gazed lazily at the man who began sweating even in the breeze of the air conditioner, "Then speak boy, tell me your name."

It was more of a demand then anything, and no hints of a request dwindled in Seto's original commanding voice.

"R-Ryoma, sir." He meekly replied, eyes befalling to the ground and avoiding the Kaiba's hard cold glare.

"Is that so?" A malicious grin broke on to his face, "Tell me Ryoma, why you have disturbed me and MY fiancé."

Ryoma's eyes widened sharply. Because anyone who had witnessed these two for the first time since their visit to the lobby just a few days ago to the way they argued 24/7, would have never guess that they were engaged, if not in LOVE (not that they were, har-har). And maybe because Anzu was illuminating more negative particles then anything.

There was going to be a loud chastise (and beating, he was sure of) after this.

"A c-carnival t-tonight, sir. Just o-ordered to go a-around and remind our guests." came the quiet and stammering reply.

Before Seto ever got to reply in his ever so mocking tone, Anzu broke away and grab held of Ryoma's thin hands into hers, giggling forcefully at him. "No need to explain further, Ryoma. Thank you and I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Tomorrow?" Seto tried not to sound surprised.

She ignored him, and waved the counterman as he dashed away and disappeared fully around the corner. The door shut slowly, and Anzu turned around, eyes closed, as if trying to calm herself down by counting down from ten.

He cautiously watched as Anzu's eyes snapped open, and she coyly made way towards him. And the LOOK she gave him was enough to prick at fresh suspicion.

All thoughts died, however, when her palm rested against his cheek. Cool and warm skin clashed, her body came close to his, figures fitting into each other entirely. His hands found their way to her hip once again, and he could feel the ach in his chest just explode. Wantings whispered in his ear and her lips came close to his as she—

She slapped him.

_Ouch. _

What a way to destroy a perfect moment.

.

.

.

.:.:.:.

**A/n:** If there's one thing I know, it's that humor can't be rushed. And if being the end of the school year and all, I'm drowning in final exams and last minute projects our teachers must find amusing to throw at us.

But summer IS coming up. And that means more time to write. Which means either longer chapters, or faster updates—whatever you guys find more fit.

I love you guys, you know that, right?

.:.:.:.


	7. Silk

**A/n: **Kill me if you wish. I know I certainly would.

**Disclaimer:** Do I look like Konami to you?

**Warnings:** Female accessories have other uses too. Ladies, don't get any ideas.

* * *

**Seto vs. His Hormones  
**Chapter Seven

* * *

It was like the laughter of a million drummers, pounding onto his head, finding it amusing to watch him flounder in pain, never once ceasing in their internal torture. And to top it off, destiny had bound his wrists by invisible chains that dug into his skin, gnawing and eroding the last of his sanity to a paper thin border so he couldn't get up and get some coffee (the hell with aspirin, as what good that did LAST time) or something with high amounts of caffeine to ease his aching body.

_Wait._

He tugged on his hand. Cracking open his eyes, he confirmed the very thing he had assumed Anzu had done.

She accomplished, with all the craziness she could possible muster, in tying him to the kitchen table with an ominous pink scarf, a pair of very stretchy stockings, and...He squinted.

_Is that a...bra?_

No, he decided he didn't want to find out.

In fact, if his leg hadn't fallen asleep, he could have added that, yes, without a doubt, the lacy undergarment would have looked...interesting on her nonetheless. Yes. Interesting, indeed.

His muscles ached, from the previous thought above and a reason unknown. It was like she had a voodoo doll of him, pricked and injected with needles. Although the thought of her going through all the trouble did slightly touch him. And by slightly, he meant in the most meager way.

Anzu passed him by without so much of notice of the man sprawled on the ground. He nearly barked in anger.

"Anzu!"

It had been the first time he ever used her name. Usually, "wench" or "Pharaoh's girl" did justice as her title. But...for God's sake, he was tied to a table! With...with a BRA! That did no justice. At all.

It seemed like she was equally surprised that she had been called something besides adjectives and peeked around the curve of the entrance to the bedroom. "You rang, dear?" She purred with false sweetness. Sweetness that he could only compare to the sound of nails scratching against a chalkboard. It made him twitch.

"Free. Me. NOW!"

"I don't know. You look so cutely demented down there."

'Cutely' and 'demented' did not deserve to be in the same sentence together. And certainly did not deserve to describe him. So he pulled against his bound arms and only succeeded in rocking the table. Had the table been mobile and not attached to the ground, he could have easily picked it up, but (unfortunately) that wasn't the case.

_Damn, where did she learn to tie like that?_

She waved a pair of life saving scissors in his face, stepping back when he arched forward like a mad dog. With an innocent demeanor, she lightheartedly dropped the last hopes of his freedom on to the counter, right next to a nice boiling coffee machine and an equally desired steaming mug of the hot beverage.

It was official.

She was torturing him. 

And he had to give her credit. It was a very well thought out plan.

She walked pass him another time, this time applying some ultra glossy lipstick that made him momentarily forget that he was on the cold, hard floor that hadn't been clean for a few days now (the maids dare not bothered entering their room after meeting with Seto's "great" and "welcoming" personality).

"Where are you going?"

Anzu ignored him, but he already knew that answer.

"To that stupid carnival, right?"  
  
She blew him a very fruity kiss. Hell, he could smell the strawberries from where he was.

He was going to dislike those red fruits from now on.  
  
"With that shit piece? What was his name? Roy? Rouge? Rescue-me-from-my-pitiful-existence-because-I'm-too-weak-and-frail-looking?"

He would have heartily liked it if she fumed against his name-calling because driving people to the edge of their boiling point always amused the CEO. Or even a verbal whiplash from the girl would have done fine. Anything for him to use that sly tongue of his and somehow persuade her feeble mind into setting him free. Accept...nothing ever went the way he wanted.

And what made right now special?

His gaze fell to his ankle. And then back at Anzu, whose hands occupied fist fills of bags. His suspicion (albeit the curiosity) grew even more once she, with a poker face in par with his stoic one, stepped closer.

And dumped what could have been at least three dozen pairs of clothes.

A whole melee of lingerie. All from Victoria Secret, apparently.

"You have fun making me squirm, don't you?" came Seto's remark, muffled from the burial. He didn't need to see her face (not that he could to begin with). He could fell the grin radiating off her.

_Shit, I have silk in my mouth. _

* * *

**A/n:** Instead of babbling off why I couldn't update EVER over the last (what? two, three?) months, I'll just cut the long story short by saying that my hiatus is finally over.

I know I'll probably get brutally crucified for just even BEING on hiatus to begin with. But on the plus side, I already have chapter eight AND nine complete!

So, yeah...still feel like murdering me? ::dodges soaring knifes::

* * *

Reviews will be forever loved.


	8. Magic School

**A/n: **Much love! ::blows kisses::

**Disclaimer: **It's a fantasy.

**Warnings: **All relations of Joey are worth running away from.

* * *

**Seto vs. His Hormones  
**Chapter Eight

* * *

Neon lights, shades too bright, blinked at him vigorously, determined to (and he was sure of this) blind him and any other man currently hunting down a female who had made his life a living hell. Music that was too cheery for his liking blasted from all directions. It was a vortex of morons who had no life prior to giggling and shoving sticks up their own asses.

Anzu fit in perfectly.

And if finding her had ticked him off, the constant stares from people around him did nothing to cease his growing anger, even if a tiny voice in the back of his head was murmuring that having ripped stockings tied to your arm and a bra dangling from your ankle was a tad bit of an odd site.

Who the hell cared how he accessorized?!

He squinted over the mass of bopping heads.

And then (after nearing tearing apart the hotdog stand to his left) swore a long string of beautiful words to an elderly couple (who were probably at the island to celebrate their 56th anniversary in a wonderful life together) that happened to walk by at the wrong time.

And then grinned so mercilessly that it put a Cheshire cat to shame.

* * *

"Found you."

The brunette in front of him turned around and just as quickly his smirk cracked. He thanked the gods above for giving him the resistance they gave him a few seconds ago from putting his arms around the girl and letting his fingers roam as they (and he) desired.

"Excuse me?"  
  
It wasn't Anzu.

_Crap._

"I mean," he cleared his throat, rummaging through his brain for a quick excuse. Something in his brain clicked, and he snatch her purse from her grasp without her notice (all thanks to his quick hands, courtesy of that Magic Tricks School Mokuba had 'accidentally' signed him up for two years previous) "I found your purse."

He forced a smile on his face.

Seto Kaiba was not meant for smiles.

In fact, however hard he tried, they came out more malicious and sarcastic than the nice and comforting upturn of lips that people (like Anzu, for instances) made almost effortlessly.

So, for the best, he dropped the façade and put on a very bored frown. "Take it." He snarled.

The girl, who, besides the similar hair color to Anzu, looked nothing like her (yet if he looked closely enough, the eyes DID resemble almost uncannily to certain blond), blinked before smiling shyly and wrapping her hands around his arm.

_Damnit. RUN._

That was NOT the expression he had expected.

"So, what's your name?"

"I need to go."  
  
She giggle(snort)ed, "Oh," she flipped her hair, "You're so funny!"

He glared, of which she pointedly dodged like dodging knives. And he would have fully discarded his manners and shoved her off like the flea she was, when SOMEONE beat him to it.

"I didn't think you were the type to flirt with brainless chicks like this, Kaiba."

Okay, so maybe half of the ridicule was targeted to him (and Anzu had very good aim), but he flinched because the other girl's grip on his arm tightened enough to block the blood circulation running to his fingers (that he couldn't feel anymore).

"Hey, back off! I found him first!"

"Actually," and Anzu grab held of his other arm, "He's mine," and then tugged on it so violently it would have torn it right out of its socket, "We're engaged."

It was like watching the episode of that Spanish soap opera (only this time, live) and he couldn't help but feel a little excited. Now if only they began pulling at each other's hair...

"I don't see any ring," she other girl spat.

"We don't need one. We're so madly in love that our relationship surpasses the tie made with metal loops." Anzu patted (slapped) Seto's cheek, "Right honey?"

Their eyes locked, and, for the sake of his life, he agreed. By kissing her.

And then she bit on his lip during mid-kiss.

Hard.

* * *

**A/n: **I have the next two chapters complete as well. YEY I'm on a role! ::dances::

* * *

Gimme what I want! REVEIWS


	9. Mind Problems

**A/n: **You're probably wondering right now: "What in seven hells took you so long?!" And I say: "Blame my sudden urge to correct my disgusting mistakes in the previous chapters."

AND, to top that off, I'm working on developing chapters of THREE other stories I'm planning to put up. And then there's also me dislocating my hip bone while playing soccer. And school constantly trying to break my back. And parents screaming at each other over stupid things. Shit like that, you know?

**Disclaimer:** Isn't it bad enough I'm temporarily crippled? Now you're trying to steal Malik from me?! HOW CRUEL ARE YOU GUYS?!

**Warnings: **Seto talks to himself. Can we say "weirdo"?

**---**

**Seto vs. His Hormones**  
Chapter Nine

---

"So," he started.

"Shut up."

"Okay." He shrugged, oddly feeling happy as Anzu dragged him around. It was something about being fought over that got his pride blooming like a fresh spring daisy after a calm shower of rain. And that was saying a lot, because Seto despised daisies (in fact, there was a rumor that he was even allergic to them), so being compared to one wasn't an event that happened on a daily basis.

Oh yeah, she was angry. He could nearly feel the flames flickering around her.

His grin further brightened.

"Wipe that smirk off your face," was Anzu's command in a tone he never knew she had the venom to create.

Admiring his nails, he polished them with his sleeve. "I can smirk all I want,"

Damn right. No one ordered Seto Kaiba around.

Abruptly she turned around, ceasing him by the collars of his shirt in a vice grip and pulled him so violently forwards that their foreheads collided rather painfully together. And he would have retorted some snide remark on her lack of manners, had there not been such a NICE view if one took the liberty to look past her fuming glare, down her neck and to her chest.

_This is not the time to be looking down her shirt, you moron. _His conscious snapped. Anzu's flush lips began to move, but their sound fell on deaf ears.

His ego, who now had a thoroughly profuse nosebleed, had to heartily disagree. _What the HELL are you talking about, man? Have you SEEN it from up here? They look so goddamn real. Hey Kaiba, I dare you to touch'em. _

_WHAT?!_ His conscious exploded. _Are you out of his MIND?_

"So you agree, right?"

He blinked and the two images of the identical, yet different, Kaibas that controlled the function of his brain, dissolved, replaced by the Anzu's coyly twisted face. Somehow during the debate that had been running in his intricately constructed mind, her hands had slid down from their place on his shoulders to his waist where they scrunched his shirt, and, every so often, ran up and down his torso.

His throat felt dry all of a sudden, like he had just chugged a large flagon of sand.

"Kaiba..." she purred (oh god, how he hated that sound) while continuing to run her finger in circles over his stomach, "Say yes."

_No._ His conscious ordered.

Seto's head shook no, but the word "yes" slipped out anyway.

_What is WRONG with you?! _Conscious began to pace._ You know you're not supposed to agree to anything without weighing out the possibilities. It's basic knowledge. I swear, you have become more of a nincompoop than that empty minded blond—_

Ego had enough of his counterpart's prattle and stuffed a sock into his mouth. _Shut up._ Then shrugging: _What's the worst she can do? _

And because Anzu was a very wicked and evil female, she had led them through the crowds, past various stands with hanging stuffed animals, and to a stop at a highly love decorated boat ride—with streamers, hearts, and singing birds that held hands (or wings, in this case). The color drained from his face.

Conscious spat out the sock and crossed his arms. _I rest my case._

When their swan shaped boat arrived, Seto utterly refused to budge from his spot.

"I'm not going on."

"Yes you will. I'll make you."

Kaiba snarled. "I'd like you to try."

"Okay. I'll just tell everyone," here she gestured to the mass of people around them, "how the father of my child," and then patted her stomach, "is leaving me for another man."

Conscious massaged his forehead. _Women have too much power in this world._

Ego tugged on his shirt nervously. _Amen to that. _

---

**A/n:** This chapter was done a long time (about two weeks) ago. I just never got around the chance to upload.

In any case, I'll be editing my previous chapters. They're so horribly written it makes me sick. And also, I apologize to anyone who took offense of anything I wrote. I didn't aim to hurt anyone when I conjured up this (except for maybe Seto). So again, I'm REALLY sorry.

---

Review is like food for authors. FEED ME!  



	10. Rocking the Boat

**A/n:** For all of those itching for some romance—this chapter is for you!

**Disclaimer:** You people are smart. Figure it out.

**Warnings: **Anzu finally realizes how much of a hunk our Seto really is. Fufufu...

-

**Seto vs. His Hormones**  
Chapter Ten

-

All the power he had harbored just a few minutes ago slipped through his fingers like liquid. And now he had to use whatever he had left of it to stop his left knee from cramping. They way her leg was positioned over it made his right one feel jealous.

Under the pink fervent light, her skin glistened like porcelain, at which he exchanged looks at in between glaring at his singing surroundings. It was like an itch he couldn't reach, and his senses just pleaded to know if she felt as soft as she looked.

A part of him warned him of her fist.

Majority of him didn't give a shit.

It was when she slipped herself onto his lap did he realize his hopes for an uneventful boat ride were coming to a crash. He clenched his eyes shut, giving a futile push to keep his brain from completely melting down. In an attempt to ease himself, he imagined what it would be like to push her off their boat and into the murky and who-knows-god-what-was-in-there water.

That was good, right?

She would be angry, right?

Because a furious Anzu was better than the current one who had found an interest in toying with the buttons of his shirt, right?

_Yes. _

Seto tried to grin.

But that didn't help.

At all.

Because his dream had decided to change, shifting to where Anzu emerged from the water, her once sleeveless shirt clinging to her almost desperately, revealing the more detailed attributes of her—

_GAH! _

He pressed his hands to his temple, pressing hard to relieve the surfacing headache.

"Oh Kaiba," her finger traced the outline of his jaw, "you look so tense."

She pressed herself closer, the determined look in her eyes proving that she was trying to make him crack.

_Damn you._

For it was working too.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, dear?"

His lip twitched when she ran over it and he hissed when she shifted in his lap.

"Kill yourself."

Anzu waved a finger at him. "Sorry, think again."

And he did. Long and hard. Because he had a brain. A smart, scheming brain that also ran a large cooperation and literally annihilated pitiful excuses of threats to his company.

A spark of confidence blared inside of him suddenly.

And that small bolt started a wild fire.

"Fine," he said, catching her wrist and holding it tightly, "kiss me."

She didn't seem surprised by the request, so he continued. "Give me an honest to god kiss. No biting."

With a shrug she pulled her hand free, eying the marks his hard grip at made at her skin. "Alright. I don't see the harm in it."

So without a second thought, he felt her lips firmly pressed against his. Soft, cushiony, like they always had been.

It wasn't until he was sure she wasn't going to snipe at him did he let his tense shoulders fall.

It wasn't until she began to retreat did he begin to kiss Anzu back with skill that not only surprised, but stupefied her.

No, he wasn't going to let her off THAT easily.

His hands ran upward over her bare arms, skimming past her shoulders where they kneaded the muscles of her neck and played with her hair. He pressed harder, nibbling on her bottom lip like candy (_although they DO taste like strawberries_) before slowly moving away.

Drawn to his kisses like a moth drawn to a flame, she moved forward to obliterate the gap between their lips.

_Bingo._ Seto inwardly grinned. He knew he was victorious.

And they became oblivious to their surroundings, lost in everything but their exchange. The violins in the background melted away and, once the coffee died out, he was left with his hormones cheering him on.

He noted with displeasure that the kiss lasted longer then he had intended it to.

_But like I always say: seize and assist. I should take this opportunity to enjoy myself.  
_

And he did, grabbing her waist to better adjust her on his lap. Their sudden movement rocked the boat, yet they paid no heed, breaking apart only for breaths of air when oxygen became a problem.

Seto became painfully apparent of their lack of care when the music stopped and someone coughed to catch their attention.

They broke apart, as if their connected lips had caused a wave of static (though he noted his body hadn't felt this energized prior to the boat ride). Standing there, as well as a crowd of whispering couples, was the ride conductor, wringing his hands rather uncomfortably.

-

**A/n:** Funny thing is this chapter was never to really exist. I had the next chapter written long before this was ever created. A friend of mine pleaded to write what was going to happen on their ride, so I decided to play along. I think the results weren't that bad!

Mid-terms are officially OVER! YES!

-

Review if you love me. :winks:


	11. Why Seto Isn't an Actor

**A/n:** For safety reasons (because the writer is highly paranoid of angry readers coming to getting her for taking so long into updating this pitifully written story), your author has fled (with Malik, we might add) to the nearest area of safety (-cough-closet-cough-).

**Disclaimer: **Dear kookey owns nothing. Also, we hold no liability to the fact that Malik is missing. So it's all on kookey when the lawyers start knocking on her door.

**Warnings:** kookey was driven by six cans Sprite in the making of this chapter. We caution all those with a weak stomach to...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Honestly. It's scary, this chapter.

**

* * *

**

**Seto vs. His Hormones**  
Chapter Eleven

* * *

They walked in silence (though their surroundings were anything BUT that) and he tried avoiding looking at her as she walked next to him (while a part of him muttered that it was too close for his taste). He watched through the corner of his vision as she stuffed her blouse into her skirt and then proceeding to adjust her outfit. He himself was busy fastening up his top that had somehow magically undone itself during their delightful (and definitely not embarrassing in any possible way, because hey, they were ONLY making out like two lip locked freaks stuck with glue) exchange. 

Though in his haste, he failed to fully impel his attention at his fumbling fingers (being too busy staring wholeheartedly at Anzu smoothing out the wrinkles of her attire) and thus ended up mixing up the order of 'button' to 'hole'. As a result, the buttoning journey left his shirt uneven from the top and no matter how many times he redid his clumsy work, the product was the same.

_Damn this stupid shirt. I'm wearing things with zippers from now on. Buttons are too troublesome. _

What about tops without any fastening attributes?

_That is absolutely out of the question. They ruin my hair without having an absurdly low neckline. _

...no comment.

_Good. I don't want to hear one. _

In the middle of trying to process where he went wrong, Seto nearly had a heart attack when he felt an arm slither around and link firmly with his.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?" He tried wrenching himself free from her unyielding grip, causing her vice hold to tighten, almost to the point where he would have sworn he heard something crack in his upper limb.

She hissed under her breath, all the while keeping a serene, peaceful face staring ahead of them, "There are island officials swarming this place."

He winced when her finely manicured nails dug into his skin (_That's going to leave a mark..._), "So? What's the worst they can do? Kick us off the island?"

_On second thought..._

It had to be one of the single most geniustic strokes of lightening to ever hit him, especially considering how his entrance onto the torturing island had caused nothing but torment and pain (we all have to admit, some of his previous decisions didn't all cause positive impacts on his life).

It was going to take a lot of sucking up to do. Not to mention all the blows that would be made to his ego if he continued with his plan.

And then he wondered if it was all worth it. He looked to his left, to the right, and then at Anzu. He also acknowledged all the bonding and love and bliss and love and cheerfulness and love and hugging (and did he mention love?) floating around him. It made his head buzz, like he was allergic to the intoxicating emotions. (Knowing him, maybe he WAS allergic to them. It would explain why his eyebrow was twitching so much.)

_Yes. The level of my sanity depends on this. _

So he unhesitatingly put a great distance between them by shoving her rather offhandedly away. Anzu nearly crashed into a hotdog stand (apparently, there were a lot of those around here), but luckily for her she was saved by stumbling into an elderly couple (that looked vaguely familiar to Seto).

After regaining her poised balance, she looked ready to pounce on him like a wet cat. "What's WRONG with you?" She barked (meowed?) angrily, her fists clenched at her sides.

He crossed his arms across his chest, and after making sure there were a good number of lurking officials around to overhear their conversation, spoke in a clear, loud tone, "I want a divorce."

Time came crashing to a sudden halt as passersby ceased their joyful chatter in order to gawk at the tragedy unfolding. Divorce? On a honeymoon resort? It was unheard of! It was drama! It was causing tension! And most importantly, it was anti-love related! And everything here was strictly based on an 'ALL IS LOVE' basis. The love vibe had been cracked. Collective gasps broke through the crowd.

"This relationship is dysfunctional." He put a hand to over his heart, feigning a sniff, "I...I don't think I can go on like this any longer, Anzu!"

Obviously, Seto's acting-like-a-miserable-fiancé skills weren't as good as his dominating-the-stock-market skills. But he decided it would have to suffice.

"Seto," Anzu started, eyes nervously flickering to the red police-capped heads (that belonged to the dreadful island officials, a.k.a. keepers of love and happiness) quickly stalking their way.

Now was the time to pour out all the things he had learned from all of those romance movies he had watched (before Anzu totally destroyed the television, that is).

He instantly took advantage of this moment, gripping her shoulders with shaking hands, giving his voice the melodramatic quivering touch, "Tell me, Anzu. Do you still see me as your horrible sixth husband that abused you as a child and then later forced you into marriage to get revenge on your half brother who really isn't your half brother but is your first husband's twin, only you didn't know this because you accidentally burned half of your first husband's face off in attempt to blow the candles out for your birthday that really wasn't your birthday seeing that you don't remember your real birthday because you were adopted from an orphanage and were supposedly from a vampire dynasty which is why many people think that it was you who killed your adoptive parents and not your second and fourth husbands who were planning to get revenge on your not-really half brother?"

A good portion of the crowd took a step back from fear. And a squad of officials (all dressed in red, heart adorned suits) stepped forward.

Seto bit back a grin.

_Victory is mine!_

* * *

"I can't believe this..." he groaned, massaging his forehead, trying to push back the boding headache. He was in dire need of coffee. 

_We've past twenty-seven hotdog stands and not ONE coffee booth is in sight. WHAT KIND OF CARNIVAL IS THIS?_

"Neither can I." She replied, "What kind of idiot believes that pitiful excuse for acting anyway?"

He snorted pompously, "It wasn't THAT bad..."

"I hope you're being sarcastic, Seto."

"Be quiet. At least I tried getting us off this forsaken island."

"At least I wasn't the one who got us seven wonderful days of relationship therapy." She shook the parchment in his face. The words that had sealed their new fate waved at him tauntingly.

_You have violated section 83K of our code: all couples must uphold the duty of love and shall not, under any circumstances, disrupt the atmosphere with any meager arguments. And due to your illegal acts, you are cordially invited to attend a mandatory conference where we will evaluate your relationship and send you to a classified therapist who will strengthen your love for each other, so as a couple you can once again fulfill your duty as a sworn couple and live happily ever after. The end. _

"When do we start?"

"Next week."

"And if we (I) refuse?"

"They follow us around, record our daily activities on film, and document the footage on public television."

She was unnaturally calm for some reason and he observed her with narrowed eyes.

"Something tells me you were already aware of the consequences."

"I was."

He didn't bother asking her how. It was irrelevant right now. He would, though. Eventually; when the matter was brought up again. "And you didn't warn me?"

"I tried."

"Clearly, it wasn't enough!"

"Stop blaming me for something that is YOUR fault, Seto Kaiba." She whispered angrily, forcing a smile on her face when they passed an officer. When his scowl darkened, she twisted the grip she currently had on his hand in a way his wrist shouldn't have been allowed to bend. He gritted his teeth, seething at his shorter companion before cracking an equally forced smile.

Content with their actions and evidently ignorant of their feigned joy (_Good service must be hard to find nowadays._), the officer continued to patrol the area. The previously examined duo let out synchronized sighs of relief. He was highly tempted to snap back when the coast was clear, but had the unnerving feeling that it wouldn't work in his favor. An extension to their already excruciatingly long therapy class was something he really didn't need right now.

_When I finally get off this island, I promise that I will use any means of force and money to tear down this hell hole. And then I will make a torture facility on it and condemn Wheeler to a year's worth of pain. Or, favorably, even more. _

Oh yeah. It was a promise.

**

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To Be Continued... **

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**A/n:** kookey happily announces that this chapter was the longest yet (and hopes that the length will dull any crucifying still intended to be done to her). 

kookey would also like to say she uses Joey's dub name instead of the Japanese one because Wheeler's Japanese name is hard to remember. (Pst. Lazy ass.) Also, please note that kookey stopped watching Yu-Gi-Oh some time ago (after Malik stopped coming on). So anything incorrect character-wise is because of that.

We would like to congratulate you for reading this and making it thus far without melting your brains. kookey has insane powers like that. Now we must leave. We're not getting paid to do all this talking, you see?

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kookey doesn't deserve your kind words. But she would highly appreciate it. -nudge-wink-nudge- 


	12. BONUS CHAPTER

**A/n: **Well yes, I do take a horrendously long time to update. My bad. Inspiration is hard to get nowadays.

**Disclaimer: **disclaimer-(noun) a refusal stating no legal right

**Warnings:** Seto has hearing problems.

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**Seto vs. His Hormones**  
Bonus Chapter

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**Prologue**

It had starts off fairly normal; Seto and Anzu walking through the thick crowds of the carnival as he tries finding some coffee. Or the exit. Either was good.

Seto glaring. Nothing new.

Anzu giggling. Unfortunately, nothing out of the norm.

Seto growing angry. Like always.

Anzu growing all the more bubbly at his discomfort. Argh.

Seto forcing his eyes to admire the bright and blinding Ferris wheel instead of his partner due to his new reaction to the new bounce in her step. Goddamnit!

And that is where, while staring grudgingly as the people in little carts went up and down in a circular motion, he remembers what he had heard from Yugi once, a good century ago. _Anzu is afraid of heights._

Afraid. Heights. Bingo.

Insert a scene here where Seto cuts the horrendously long line in front of the Ferris wheel and threatens the conductor of the ride to surgically remove the man's appendix in his sleep if he doesn't let him and his fiancé stop at the time only, upon reaching the top, regrets ever making that request because the ride comes to lurching stop.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

"Er..." The conductor coughs into his megaphone nervously, "Sorry sir, but the controls must have jammed when too much energy was forced into the motors."

Insert Seto Profanity, version 3.4.

And that my, friends, is where this adventure starts off.

---

**Back to your normal programming**

She gripped his shirt with delicate hands, clutching the material desperately as she pulled herself closer to him, burying her face against his chest. His arm, despite his protests, fell to her shoulder with a mind of its own, bringing her even nearer.

_Funny how she fits so well down there._

"Seto," she whispered and her breath seeped through the thin flimsy fabric, licking at his skin, causing him to shudder.

But she was warm. And it made his eyes droop. "Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant."

THAT certainly woke him up and his eyes shot wide open.

"What!"

She pulled back slightly, brows knitting on her forehead. Her mouth thinned, eyes narrowing from annoyance. "I said," she clarified, "I'm pretending it's not you I'm currently cuddling with."

"Oh."

_Like that was any better._

His hand fell back on her shoulder, brushing his thumb against Anzu's neck. His stupid fingers liked the feel of her skin.

"What did you think I said?" she asked innocently, blinking up at him with those long evil eyes lashes of her, and plush lips that puckered up in the most deceitful way.

_Damn, damn, damn!_

How was he supposed to lie to a face like that!

"Nothing important." He grumbled.

"So...why are you're hands so sweaty then?"

_They are?_

They were.

"Humidity." He replied, mentally chiding himself for his lameness.

She gave him 'that look'. 'That look' was the same look Mokuba often used whenever Seto told him to get a haircut. 'That look' was the same look the barber gave him whenever Mokuba trashed the barbershop in an attempt to escape from getting his messy black hair cut.

"It's below forty degrees. It's cold. It's the only reason I'm so snuggled up against you."

Oh, that hurt.

_So I'm some heater now, huh?_

He pushed away, giving a glare most described equal to killing intent. "I refuse to be used like—"

"Oh, shut up." She cut him off, wrapping her arms around his waist, playing with the buckle of his pants. "You know you like it."

He wanted the sky to fall. On her.

Because she was right.

They fell into a comfortable silence, staring off at the dark blinking sky. Music from the carnival fell below a murmur to their ears, mixing with the odd aroma of popcorn and cotton candy. From their height, they witnessed lights mix and dance below.

His eyes began to droop again.

Except, she decided to speak again. Stupid, evil, little wench.

"Seto," she cleared her throat.

He groaned, resting his head against the backboard. "What is it now?"

"Move that hand of yours before I permanently detach it for you."

_Oh. _

He hadn't realized his hand had traveled THAT low without his notice. And it was a long trip too—over her shoulder, down her back, and then a stop at her—

He removed his arm sharply.

And glared at his hand for going ahead without him.

---

**A/n: **This was originally supposed be wedged somewhere between chapter nine and ten. But, as you can see, that never happened and the story began to write itself. Not that I mind, because sometimes the stuff it comes up with isn't all that bad.

---

WEIVER


	13. Four Legged Kaiba

**A/n:** Long time no see, eh? I know, I know. You have this unmistakable desire to decapitate me. Hell, if I wasn't so intent on living, I'd chop off my own head too for being such a lazy-assed author.

I pretty much lost interest in writing this story and had come seriously close to discontinuing it. But some very loyal fans decided to spam my inbox with hopeful (and sometimes threatening) emails for me to continue. And so, touched by their devotion, I decided to tie myself to my computer chair until I was able to churn out a tolerable enough chapter.

Hopefully I've got the old kookey still in me.

**Disclaimer:** We can all admit that Yu-Gi-Oh's popularity has considerably declined since its début. I don't think I'd WANT to own it, even if I had the chance (but the prospect of having Malik is still good so if anyone would like to buy him for me, I'd love you forever!).

**Warnings:** I may be a bit rusty after months of leaving this fanfic in the dust. But other than that . . . read on!

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**Seto vs. His Hormones  
**Chapter Thirteen

**

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**

All was quiet in Seto and Anzu's room. Light filtered in through the windows of their porch and onto several broken mugs, dark coffee stains, and what looked like the remains of what might have been once a very nice laptop. Outside, the sun rose on the horizon; it gave the sky a miraculous hue of red and purple while concurrently sprinkling its merry rays on the lovers of the island.It was, all together, a rather serene moment.

Then the door of their suite was suddenly kicked open and, because of the sheer force behind the attack on the poor, defenseless piece of wood was so powerful, the knob of the said door slammed against the wall it was attached to and left a rather nasty hole in its mark.

But Seto didn't care.

No, not in the least. Because spending six hours with Anzu on a Ferris wheel that had despondently refused to function had been the most PAINFUL and EXCRUICIATING incident in his entire life. Therefore caring about a stupid hole in the wall was the least of his problems.

For starters, the goddamn seats they were situated on were made of steel (_Would it have killed them to add some cushions?_) and even now, after several minutes of walking around, his butt still ached with uncomfortable numbness.

There was also the matter of sitting with Anzu all night and she went through more mood swings than pregnant women did high on estrogen. One minute, they would be sharing an intimate moment (quietly listening to each other's heartbeats, fingers intertwined, acting as if—god forbid—they were actually in LOVE) and then in the next, he would be gasping for air as she rough handled his neck with her feet (that were, in addition, sporting a nice pare of very pointy high heals) and threatened to throw him out of their swinging cart.

_Damn woman. Damn rides. Damn SHOES. I'm never going to a carnival again._

It had been a scarring and draining experience—one that would, no doubt, haunt him for years to come (the bruises from her vice-grip and Mortal Combat-like moves would be a constant reminder).

And he only had one guy to thank for that.

_Yugi, you lying, vertically challenged, spontaneously-combusted-hair-styled freak. You gave me invalid information!_

Anzu afraid of height? Pssf!

She was as much acrophobic as he was poor (which, COME ON people, he simply wasn't and shuddered at the thought of being; what was life without his eighty inch wide television screen for optimum Saturday cartooning, virtual spa room with dual action masseuses, and surround sound alarm clock installations?).

Bent on revenge (because no one—not even Bakura and his sadistic ways—deserved to suffer being poked and kicked around by a fanatical female in stilettos), he briskly skimmed the inventory that existed in his mind before pushing down the hundred or so OTHER people on his "Hopeless Bastards That Need to Die by My Hands" list, scribbling Yugi's name with an imaginary pen into the number two slot.

Proud, and thoroughly pleased that he had gotten that done and out of the way, he turned to consider the next most favorable course of action when, suddenly overwhelmed, Seto let out a loud, jaw-cracking yawn.

Anzu, who was draped over shoulder in a piggyback ride, murmured something in response to the unearthly sound that had been his yawn, tightening her legs around his waist and pressing, in a passing fancy (as if, even out cold, she dreamt about tormenting the poor fellow), her chest against his back. He tried to suppress a shudder (metaphorically blowing up the train of thought that such contact ensued) but her warm breath tickled his neck and made his eyes droop.

Sleep suddenly never felt so good.

He could practically feel himself retreating into the wonderful bliss called his unconsciousness where horrible emotions such as love were sucked into oblivion. Where hotdog stands did not exist. Where coffee poured endlessly down from the heavens. Where, above and beyond everything else, Anzu did not reign as total dictator (which only happened in real life because she had natural advantages over his equally innate and misfortunate weakness).

When he noticed the state of what he would be sleeping on, though, certain pleasures exceedingly disappeared. The couch, which he had slept on since the dawn of their abandonment, looked as if it had been eaten, pissed, and then maltreated by a rabid dog and his friends.

_Like HELL I'm going to sleep on THAT._

Plus . . . the now-barely-called-sofa gave him back problems. And with his bottom rather sore, he didn't think it would help his meticulously abused body if he slept in such a cramped space.

So that left the master bedroom and its large, indisputably comfy bed as his only other option. So what if Anzu would be sleeping the same bed as him (he was smart enough to know that things would be detrimental for him in the morning if he left her anywhere but the bed)?

Thinking of such a question had been a mistake though, as it sparked his resting hormones and he felt his arms (that were currently supporting Anzu's suddenly very smooth and long legs) twitch.

_No! Focus! _He mentally slapped himself several times, willing his feet to move while simultaneously trying to prevent his brain from conjuring disastrous images, for that indeed would be bad.

Because all he wanted was to be sleeping. _Yes . . . that's right._

Sleeping in a bed. _Yes. _

Sleeping in a bed that would unfortunately also be occupied by Anzu. _Yes. _

So therefore be sleeping WITH Anzu. _Yes—NO! _

Anzu, who would curl up against him, mouth so daringly close to his own. _I meant no, you moron! _

Anzu, whose fingers would rake his back and arch against him when he—_SHUT UP!_

But—_I need coffee. _He was visibly shaking now. _Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. _

The mantra continued as Seto trotted to the kitchen. Something, however, clicked in his brain the instant his foot touched the marble tile of the kitchen and he made a sharp u-turn instead. He had suddenly remembered of the condoms and birth pills (courteous of the protection store) sitting in the garbage can from two days ago, very much still visible and undoubtedly very much still usable. Stepping anywhere near them would be . . . not good, so he decided, as an alternative, that disposing of the girl he was currently carrying as soon as possible would be in his best interest.

Mumbling discreet curses under his breath, he finally made his way towards their bedroom.

. . . Only to trip over a cardboard box that had either magically appeared out of no where or Seto had apparently missed in spotting and tumbled, with Anzu, onto the ground face forward.

She woke up slowly from the fall, probably wondering why her trip had stopped and what she was doing on the ground. When she lifted her head slightly, the position she and Seto were in (he was on his stomach, cheek pressed against the carpet and hands on her leg; she, in similar oddness, was cradling his hips and lying flush against his back) smacked her in the face and promptly woke her up.

"PERVERT!" she abruptly screamed and jumped up, ready to kick him in the ribs with her lethal shoes.

He got up sourly and rubbed his head, in no mood for her antics. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

She shoved an accusing finger in his face, smugness in her obvious anger. "You were trying to do IT with me on the floor."

"It?"

"IT, Seto. You know—the bird and bees. Home run." She leaned closer, eyes narrowed. "SEX."

Of all the reactions that could have occurred in response to such a ludicrous claim, Seto did the one least expected—he burst into spontaneous, uncharacteristic, and delirium-driven laughter, with continuous thigh slapping and all. He gasped, giggled (witnesses could even claim he may have snorted!), and wiped the tears that had formed in the corner of his eyes.

Then, just as immediately, the smile fell and he regarded her in all seriousness, eyebrows knit and face wiped so clean of all delight that anyone nearby would have questioned if it really was him just five seconds ago, laughing his ass off.

"First of all," he started, a finger raised in emphasis, "normal people don't have sex in a position like that. Unless you're really a guy and in which case . . ." He took a step back.

"I AM NOT A GUY!"

He smirked, giving her a look over. "Of course you're not."

She fumed and opened her mouth but he quickly cut her off before she could start. "Second of all, sex with you?" He exploded into a fit of mirth once again, leaning against the table for support while one hand clutched his now throbbing side.

Then, for a second time, he was back to normal and his mouth was flat, like someone had flipped the off switch of his happy mood. "Don't be so absurd," he scoffed, flicking pretend lint off his shoulder.

Inside, however, he secretly relished the thought. (_Stupid, stupid hormones._)

"And third of all," here, he pointed to the accursed box that had caused him to lose his balance, giving it a swift kick for further measure, "I was going to drop you off into bed when I tripped over THAT stupid thing."

As if on cue, said stupid thing suddenly growled.

And shook violently.

Anzu automatically clung to his arm. "What the hell IS that?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he grabbed the nearest chair and used one of its legs to cautiously poke the bizarre, snarling package. It barked in return and Seto instantly dropped his weapon. Whatever was in there didn't sound very friendly and if it wanted to be left alone, by all means, he was going to leave it untouched.

But apparently, his wicked, wench of a companion had other plans.

"Seto, go open it."

He turned to her, glaring. "No."

She pouted and, while pressing her thigh close to his as much was humanly possible, ran a finger over his abdomen in delicate, deceitful circles. The evil female charm was on and he felt his insides churn violently. "Please?" she whispered, breathing hot air into his ear and he instantly rubbed it, trying to get rid of the feeling. "Do it for little ol' me?"

_I haaaate you._

"Fine!" he spat venomously (aware of a lost battle when he saw one), glowering at her before squatting down in front of the object of her curiosity (and maybe his demise). It was relatively tiny, now that he looked at it closely, with a jarring red and fairly unreassuringly large "WARNING" label stamped on the top. The sides were punctured periodically with holes big enough to let air in but small enough so no outsider could look within.

Carefully, he undid the string that kept the package closed and lifted the flap.

There was a flash of brown and the next thing he knew something had sunken its sharp teeth into his palm. He yelped and faintly registered Anzu's own shriek in the background as he ferociously shook his hand to free himself of the small fiend. It didn't work, much to his mortification, and only seemed to motivate the creature even more as it then attached its claws into his skin as well.

She screamed again, but this time it oddly sounded more like a squeal of delight than one of utmost horror.

_Great. She's finding joy in my pain._

"It's a puppy!"

He froze.

And believe it or not, it WAS a puppy—no less than a couple of months old with chocolaty, smooth fur and bright cobalt eyes. She instantly swooped it into her arms and, completely disregarding the blatantly injured Seto, cuddled it with such vigor that it nearly made the CEO sick.

"It BIT me."

"Stop complaining," she chided, tickling its stomach. "He's just a little baby."

"It could have rabies!"

She pointedly ignored him, cooing and making other nonsensical baby noises at it. "I think," she paused for dramatic effect, observing the puppy's auburn fur and steel blue eyes in a critical fashion; a petite, devilish smile spread on her face then, and Seto wasn't sure he was going to like what he was going to hear, "I'm going to name him Kaiba."

Nope. He definitely didn't like it.

"No way in HELL!" he roared, seething and ultimately ready to throw the little fur ball out of the window. "I refuse to be the eponym of that lowly, good for nothing, ugly mutt!"

"Seto!" she gasped, covering her new pet's ears. "Don't talk to him like that!"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a boding headache (they seamed to be a reoccurring ailment around her). "Dogs don't understand human speech, Anzu. They're incapable of doing so!"

She was turning her back on him; it was obvious his words of truth were falling on deaf ears.

"And that's besides the point! You can NOT name him Kaiba! It's disgraceful and preposterous and you—"

"And you," she replied, speaking over him with a coy smile, "can do nothing to stop me." With an extra flavorful wave of her hips, she disappeared into the kitchen. Seconds later, he could hear the opening and closing of several cabinets as she looked for something edible for the newly named puppy, "Kaiba", to eat.

There were no words powerful enough to describe the level of Seto's growing fury. He looked heatedly around for something to choke but there was nothing, save for an upturned chair and numerous scattered mugs.

_I can never seem to get what I want._

Broodingly, he kicked the now empty box in a fit of vengeance and a postcard angelically flew out, landing right near his feet. There was a crudely drawn depiction of the Kaiba Corp building on one side and immediately he knew who it was from. Flipping it on the reverse side, it read:

_Anzu,_

_Sorry you're stuck with the asshole._

_But, as you know, my grade depends on this. _

_Here's a present to keep you company._

_It doubles as a great body guard as well._

_Gotta go now. Yami is trying to kill me._

_He says, "Redemption is in the near future." _

_Whatever the hell THAT means._

_-Joey_

_P.S. – The dog does not like guys. _

_P.P.S – Mai trained it. Go figure._

He lifted his gaze to look at his namesake and saw it in a comfortable position between her breasts. And if Seto didn't know better, he could have sworn that it was smirking at him, as if it knew it was in a position Seto could only dream about being in one day.

"Stupid (lucky) dog." And he ripped the postcard in half.

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**A/n:** Ta-daa! Now all that's left to see is if I still have some readers lurking about (even thought I probably don't deserve it). If I do, Seto vs. His Hormones will continue. If I don't, I shall simply cease writing it.

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Review to save the life of my baby!


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